Thursday, January 16th was supposed to be the day when all my troubles went away.

I came home the day before with three tedious, 500-word college essays to write for my last application deadline that day, plus hours of studying for my AP World exam the next morning.

If I could just finish these two enormous and time-consuming tasks, I’d be done with first semester and on my way to starting the supposedly magical and carefree time that is second semester senior year.

I remember that when I finally finished, I had no schoolwork, college apps, SAT/ACT/SAT II review. Nothing. No one could force me to do anything and I knew I would enjoy it.

But only a few weeks into second semester, the stress slowly crept back in and I felt the same ominous feeling of “what did I forget to do for homework last night?” that I felt so often during first semester.

My classes hit the ground running and I’m struggling to keep up. Where is that relaxation and carelessness that I’ve heard about from last year’s seniors? I no doubt have senioritis; it’s an obvious lack of motivation. But recently I’ve been wondering, is it just me? Or did anyone else think that everything would just be automatically easier?

Not doing homework fills me with guilt, because I do want to do well, but my motivation isn’t there. Even if I don’t need to go to bed so late, my bedtime seems to be permanently stuck at 1 a.m. Maybe if I knew where I was going to college it’d be easier, so maybe it’s the waiting to hear back that’s killing me. The “what if I don’t get in?” that makes me want to do my best even though I feel that it doesn’t really matter.

Not to mention that I feel my second semester classes may in fact be getting more rigorous than they were first semester. Maybe it’s because I somehow landed the worst teacher switches possible, changing from not-so-structured teachers first semester to stricter teachers for second semester, but now that I don’t have to worry about filling out applications after school, I wonder if school is all I can worry about.

I want this semester to fly by as quickly possible, but I find myself starting to miss some of the experiences that only come from being at Whitman. I want to be done, but it’s crazy how quickly the days are flying by. I’ll soon miss the senior entrance door that always locks during lunch and the half-hour wait time to login to any computer. Heck, I know I’ll even miss people stealing my spot in the parking lot.

Second semester hasn’t lived up to the hype so far, but something tells me that as soon as spring rolls around, I’ll wish I had made the most of it.