*Also by Rachel Nussbaum*

No more whining texts and Facebook statuses about how bored you are. Even if you absolutely can’t imagine having any fun when your parents are around and your friends and in a faraway land of despair without you, don’t fret! There are always exciting things that you can do alone (no, that’s not meant to be dirty).

You don’t have to actually care whether the Saints won. It didn’t even have to be your birthday over the weekend (as is the case for one of this blog’s writers). You can and will have fun in this Snowmageddon. Especially because we aren’t having school today or tomorrow and, in fact, most likely never having school ever again (there are at least six more inches coming Tuesday night).

How to use the 24 inches of snow to your advantage:

1.     Continuously open and close the door to see if you can squeeze outside yet.

2.     Take “artsy” photos of the snow from low angles.

3.     Convince yourself that it stopped snowing.

4.     Realize it didn’t.

5.     Spray yellow food dye on your neighbors’ lawns.

6.     Run up and down your street screaming “I LOVE THE SNOW!”

7.     Trip on the snow. Then trip your sibling, causing them to fall in the snow.

8.     Fall in the snow flat on your face and try to get up.

9.     Make an igloo of legendary proportions.

10.  Convince a small child that the sky is falling down.

11.  Chuckle.

Legitimate excuses to spend your entire day on the computer:

1.     Talk to a Facebook friend who’s not an actual friend.

2.     Appreciate the “You know you’re from Whitman when…” group.

3.     Set your Facebook status to “I hate the snow.”

4.     Or be the obnoxious kid who sets their Facebook status to “NO SCHOOL!!!”

5.     Poke your Facebook friends.

6.     Ponder on how Facebook ads got so accurate.

7.     Facebook stalk people, obviously.

8.     Find your celebrity doppelganger.

9.     Wonder why myheritage.com sucks.

10.  Watch 72 minute increments of Megavideo.

11.  Look for alternative sites for 54 minutes.

18.  Watch every movie on abc family.

19.  Start cleaning up your computer’s desktop.

20.  Give up.

Ways to make it look like you are doing something productive for school, when in reality you’re not:

1.     Procrastinate on Naviance.

2.     Stare at your backpack.

3.     Pull up two tabs on the internet: one of Facebook (where you will actually be) and the other of the SAT question of the day (where you will be when your parents walk by).

How to use your brain as little as possible:

1.     Think of all your hopes.

2.     Think of all your regrets.

3.     Think about what you could do if it wasn’t snowing.

4.     Think of how great TV is.

5.     Stop thinking.

You thought people gain a lot of weight over the holidays? Psh. That’s what this weekend is for:

1.     Eat ice cream.

2.    Bake cookies.

3.    Realize you used baking soda instead of baking powder.

4.   Drink hot chocolate (with marshmallows of course).

5.   Eat the food your parents are saving for their Super Bowl party.

6.   Eat snow.

Things to do when you’ve gone crazy:

1.   Switch parents’ and siblings’ shoes, so the left is on the right and the right is on the left.

2.   Make scratch marks on the wall.

3.   Pretend you’re in prison.

4.   Wonder why you’re not funny.

5.   Experiment with feng shui.

6.   Poke your dog.

7.   Poke your sibling.

8.   Poke your parents.

9.  Poke yourself.