Why I didn’t quit my sport when it got tough—and why you shouldn’t either
March 21, 2019
I used to repeatedly go through the school day only able to think about how much I didn’t want to go to afternoon swim practice. Every Saturday night I would go to bed with a pit in my stomach, thinking about my three-hour practice the next morning. My sport, which was supposed to be something I enjoyed, was a major source of dread in my life.
For the first two years of high school, I swam six days a week and doubled up on practices twice a week to go to the gym with my team. I swam with a group that prepared kids to swim at the college level—something I thought I might want but wasn’t yet sure—and I was miserable.
Every time I even thought about going to practice, I grew anxious and upset. I felt immense pressure to please my coaches, and I feared what they would say if I wasn’t swimming up to their standards. I had used to love working to improve my times in the pool; but as the outside pressure increased, I no longer had the same drive. I couldn’t focus on my goals or remember my reasons for being there.
My anxiety about swimming intensified to the point that I felt nervous to talk to my coach and even some of my teammates. There were days that I found myself swimming back and forth as tears filled my goggles.
Seventy percent of children who play competitive sports stop by age 13, according to a poll by the National Alliance for Youth Sports. According to the poll, the main reason for quitting is that “it’s just not fun anymore.” This can be due to burn-out, increased pressure from coaches and parents or simply not making a high school sports team.
I get why athletes quit. When I recognized my practices were no longer a healthy environment for me, I considered quitting multiple times myself. I’d grown to resent my sport so much that I didn’t think I could ever get back to loving swimming, and quitting seemed like the only way out.
But I also think one reason kids quit sports so frequently is because they don’t ever consider dropping down to a less intense level. After years of a sport practically being your life, transitioning to a lower-level travel or recreational team can feel beneath you or like giving up.
For struggling athletes, this mindset can be a harmful trap, often leading them to leave the sport altogether. But moving to a different level doesn’t make a person any less of an athlete, especially if it’s a healthier and more fitting environment.
At the end of sophomore year, I left my old group and joined a training group full of swimmers who love the sport and are serious about it, but who aren’t necessarily looking to swim in college. It was a difficult decision, but I realized that there were a lot of things besides swimming that I wanted to have time for, so I made the switch.
With my new group, I still swim nearly every day, but I have some shorter practices and more flexibility. I feel comfortable talking to my coaches and teammates. I’m now better able to enjoy the aspects of swimming that made me love it in the first place, and I find myself working harder than I was before because of how much happier I am. With a less intense commitment, I can swim for Whitman and my summer pool, both of which are less focused on intense training and more on fun racing and being a team.
Don’t get me wrong: there are still days where I get frustrated with swimming. Some days practice is hard, and I struggle. But it’s a healthy, normal balance of enjoyment, hard work and discipline—like a sport should be.
Continuing to swim has taught me invaluable skills—whether it be learning how to work with a team, exercise self-discipline or living a healthy lifestyle—and has been a major source of fun in my life. These benefits are present no matter what level a team is at—and these experiences shouldn’t be lost for lack of willingness to join a “lesser” team.
If an athlete aims to play a sport in college, it’s going to be a stressful process; but this level doesn’t have to be for everyone. Competition, hard work and occasional resentment of your sport can’t be avoided as an athlete, but finding the right environment can help alleviate the intense pressure and desire to quit.
Swimming doesn’t dominate my thoughts anymore, and it no longer serves as a massive source of anxiety. I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to let go of the intensity of a sport if it makes you more miserable than it does happy. I finally feel like my sport serves the purpose in my life that it’s supposed to.
I’m thankful that I’m not a part of the 70 percent that quit, but I hope that struggling middle and high school athletes can learn to take a more open-minded approach to sports.
Nahla • Jun 28, 2024 at 10:51 am
This article is a really great point of view. Right now I’ve been thinking about leaving my sport cause I feel so tired from trying my best and something always getting in the way or it just not working out. Every time I think about stopping I just end up trying to hold on to hope again so I stay. But I keep feeling down and I used to cry a lot last year and this year also. When I tell my dad he says he wouldn’t be mad if I quit but that I’ve already been in the sport for so long and if I change my mind I’ll only have a few months to go back. And I overthink a lot so that doesn’t help my case with making a decision. On the other hand my mom is laid back more and she thinks maybe it’s time to let go because she sees how it’s been affecting me. Lately my mind has felt foggy and anytime I try to make a decision I just end up extremely confused and it’s really frustrating. I wish I could just make a decision but it’s so hard to no matter how many people I talk to. I also am at a new gym than the one I trained at for 10 years and I’ve been there for around 4 months but I still don’t feel welcome to be honest. And I just feel so out of place. I left my old gym because they wouldn’t move me up at all even though when I went to a different one they wanted to move me up immediately. But unfortunately it was way to expensive so I had to wait around 4 more months just to find a new one which is the one I’m at now. The one I’m at now is one I’ve actually looked at 2 years ago but I didn’t go. I’m about to go into highschool so I’m really nervous about making the wrong choice. I understand not wanting to be apart of the 70% but people grow out of sports and my mental matters way more than any sport ever will. And my youth pastor brought up a great point and being able to separate your identity from your sport which unfortunately I don’t know if I can even do that. Honestly this was more of a rant than a comment but it’s fine lol ♀️
Charlie Vinal • Mar 23, 2019 at 8:39 am
This is such a great article! I’ve played and coached sports for close to 50 years and have 4 kids that play sports and you see players lose their love for sports for all the reasons Ally mentions here. The lessons Ally has learned through life experience and shared here should be required reading for parents and coaches. And wow – what a writer to boot!