Alone in my closet, I was afraid of what was going to happen tomorrow. I couldn’t hold back the gushing stream of tears, knowing that the moment I walked inside, that would be my decision. There was no going back. I was scared: not for my own safety, but because I was going to lose something tomorrow. Although he or she wasn’t alive yet, I was losing someone. Something in my head told me that my heart was beating so close to theirs. The thought of them filled my heart to the brim, but I knew I had to let them go. Whether I was ready or not, they weren’t going to be a part of me tomorrow.
Teenage pregnancies and abortions are taboo topics within our community. The Bethesda bubble shoves that conversation down the deepest ditch. Everyone here fights for the right to choose, but they never have a conversation about how to choose. Having that decision was big for me. I had never been so torn in my life. Rather than helping me make the decision, people’s first reactions tended to be how could a smart girl like you get pregnant? Or they asked questions like how did this happen? People would ask me questions I didn’t know the answer to. I was safe every time I had sex. I don’t know when it happened. I don’t understand how this happened or why. All I knew was that it happened. I’m safe. I’m always safe. I’m just really unlucky.