First and foremost, I would like to welcome you to my new advice column. I read your questions, and I picked one to answer. I hope my advice helps.

If you want to submit your own question, you can click here.  

Questions have been edited for clarity.

Dear Delphi,

How do I deal with people who make me feel bad about not having a full-period day or minimize my comments about stress by saying how many more APs they’re taking than me? It always makes me feel really bad about myself, but objectively, I know that they have more to deal with.

-Stressed Whitman Kid

Dear Stressed Whitman Kid,

Your question was really interesting to me, because I could see myself in you. I also know that there’s a solution, and it’s something that both you and I should learn.

From what you’re saying, it sounds like you need to separate yourself from these people. There’s no reason to listen to people who tell you their emotions are more justified than yours. They might be feeling more stress than you, and that’s fine. That doesn’t mean you aren’t stressed. Stress is difficult in all forms, and one person’s emotions shouldn’t minimize another’s.

Everyone’s schedule should be made to fit them, but at Whitman, a lot of us push ourselves way beyond what makes us comfortable. A remarkably high number of us have anxiety or depression. If you’re constantly comparing yourself to other people, it’s going to be hard to avoid situations that make you feel bad—but if you feel like your workload is right for you, then there’s no need to be insecure.

But advice aside, I know that I’m guilty of this too, Stressed Whitman Kid. I went through a period of time junior year where I was getting only three to four hours of sleep every night, and I shared that information frequently, looking for some kind of consolation. But then, inevitably, I would run into someone who had pulled an all nighter, and suddenly I would feel like a fool for even telling people I was tired. How could I be tired, when I was so well rested compared to my peers?

This constant self-berating wasn’t healthy for my already exhausted mind. I needed the same advice you did. There was always going to be someone taking more APs, getting less sleep and working harder, but that didn’t make my own struggle any less legitimate. Looking back, rather than competing with others to see who had it worse, I should’ve tried harder to get more sleep. Maybe, if it would make you happier, you should take more APs—but only if it’s a personal desire, not a result of peer pressure. Find the right solution for you, whether that be challenging yourself more, finding someone else to talk to, or a combination of the two.

When discussing stress, try to find a trusted adult or someone who has a similar schedule, not people who you know will compete with you. If your friends insist on bringing up school, try changing the subject. I recommend a lively discussion about what you did this summer.

Delightfully,

Delphi