The Black & White

Icicles: dangerous weapons and excuses for stalking

By Rachel Nussbaum

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Ice, avoiding the sunshine and just waiting for it's time to be a weapon. Photo by Sarah Klotz.

Usually when friends talk about swords, sabers and extreme pain in the same conversation, they’re planning their next big trip to a “Star Wars” fan festival.

However, with the arrival of Snowmaggedon, they might be referring to something else. Students, formerly limited to blunt objects for enacting harm on each other, can now take advantage of the most important part of any snowstorm: the icicles.

How to Take Full Advantage of Icicles:

Besides the obvious extremities that icicles are able to imitate, they could function as arrows, canes and light sabers, if the holder provides sound effects. And lets face it: if you’re not ashamed of using an icicle as an arrow, you probably won’t be embarrassed making whoosh noises.

If you feel a bit too old for that sort of amusement, don’t worry. Adults have a well-kept fear that is demanding exploitation, and it’s as easy as can be to do so in this situation.

The gutters. Ice is a gutter’s worst enemy, able to inflict leaks and rooftop-dams. Because of this, many an adult will repetitively, obsessively check back to make sure the precious gutters haven’t pulled a fast freezing-water stunt on them. To have a tad of fun messing with their mind, you could break off icicles from elsewhere and plant them near the downspout.

When adults catch a glimpse, there’s a high chance their blood pressure will skyrocket, and there may be the unfortunate side effect of a trip to the emergency room. But before that, it’s hilarious.

And last, but not least, there’s always the best icicle use of all: stalking. Icicles provide an easy opportunity to look into your neighbor’s, or really any random strangers’, windows. If they look back with skeptical, even alarmed expressions, just smile and point to the icicles. Grab one, and walk away admiring it. No, not creepy; you’re just amazed at the beauty of nature. Of course.

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