George Clooney. Chuck Norris. ZZ Top. Homer Simpson. What do they all have in common? All bear the greatest symbol of manliness that has existed literally since the caveman era: the beard. Now in the midst of No Shave November, where men across the country are growing facial hair just for the sake of it, I can’t help but ask the Whitman male population one question: What are you all so afraid of?
I believe that students’ inability to commit to thirty razor-free days is based on faulty logic that can be dispelled in a matter of minutes.
Firstly, some people have gotten it into their heads that facial hair is some sort of social deterrent when it comes to girls. Now I do not, by any means, claim to be an expert when it comes to what women like, but I invoke People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive” as evidence. Over the last 23 years, a solid 50 percent of the winners have, at one point or another, had facial hair. Most notably: Sean Connery, Brad Pitt, Hugh Jackman and of course, Johnny Depp. It seems that the first step to getting on that list is ditching the razor.
Other guys flat out fear the “scruffy” image. However, whenever a man has a beard, it not only adds character and definition, but it also provides a uniqueness that will distinguish anyone from the average Joe Schmoe. Plus, who doesn’t like being mistaken for their favorite presidents, Chester A. Arthur and Rutherford B. Hayes.
And when it comes to proving your manliness, forget about height or how deep your voice is. I don’t think anyone has ever dared to question Hagrid’s manliness.
For the facial-hair community, there are a few notable members who have been ostracized due to negative connotations associated with them, primarily for reasons in no way related to the facial hair itself. Thanks a lot, Mel Gibson, Karl Marx, Adolf Hitler and Fidel Castro.
Another factor that is perhaps worth mentioning is the misfortune that many students ail from: the inability to grow a beard. This may be a much more prominent factor at Whitman than I give credit for. But gentlemen, don’t give up. Today’s big-cheeked doofus could be tomorrow’s Santa Claus.
Anonymous • Nov 18, 2009 at 11:27 pm
The writer may be on to something, but he’s clearly a pretentious, self-worshiping, bearded man-child.
anonymous • Nov 17, 2009 at 12:50 am
The writer has a beard.
Anonymous • Nov 12, 2009 at 10:20 am
Homer Simpson doesn’t have a beard, he has stubble.
222 • Nov 10, 2009 at 8:36 pm
maybe the writer is just too scared to shave???